How things have changed.

Now it's an essential. I can't resist. I think I'm turning into a makeup junkie and am trying very hard to resist the forces of Beauty Inc.

M.A.C: Loose Powder, Compact Mirror, Short-Handled Brush
Anna Sui: Rouge Pot for Cheeks
Dior: Dior Addict Ultra-Gloss, Dior Addict 2 EDT, DiorGlam Pearl Shimmer Limited Edition Palette for Fall in Champagne and Rose
Stila: Convertible Eye Color Plum Eyeliner, Mystic Pearl compact for cheeks and eyes, Creme Bouquet EDP, Limited Edition Gracie Lipstick, Eyelash Curler, Papaya LipGlaze, cosmetic kit.
Paul & Joe: Multi-Effects Dual Crayon, Double-Sided Eyebrow Pencil, Retractable Eye Brush (Small), 2-Way Cake Foundation SPF 30

On my wishlist
-Stila Kajal Eyeliner in Onyx
-Anna Sui Eyebrow Grooming Set
-Dior Addict Pearl Shine Lipstick
-Origins anything

I find that so much as making out wishlists is extremely detrimental to the health of my wallet. What, broke again? It's hello packed lunches, goodbye cookie cravings and sushi pigouts.

No fair

I don't have a best friend. No fair.

I don't have a boyfriend. No fair.

I don't have tons of money so I can go on Sephora shopping sprees without incurring massive debt. No fair.

The moral of the story, boys and girls, is that life is never fair, and if you want something real bad, you have to be prepared to work yo' ass off for it.

I did get a present. A spectacular one with the Dior logo engraved on it. I take all my words back. Hahahaha!

I've spent the midterm break slacking away. No Emerson, no Hawthorne, no assorted Sociology readings. Just me and my wild and woolly dreams.

I went to Crumpled Goat's wedding on Tuesday. Which got me started on ideas for my own wedding. For one, I'll pick a master-of-ceremony who won't pause the music in the middle of the bridal march and make the groom do pushups to prove his undying love for me.

So I still want a purple-and-white wedding. I'll give out test-tube vials of bubble solution and little voile satchets of violet confetti and petals at the traditional church wedding, a garden-y, summer-y affair with women wearing pastel tweed suits and their best dresses. And we'll ride away into the sunset in our vintage Cadillac convertible with a string of tin cans rolling on the road behind us.

And we'll book a charming, quaint love-hotel and invite all and sundry, anyone who means anything to us. And we'll host a wonderful banquet with lots of waltzing and mingling and mocktails for the kids and everyone will remember that night as our night and theirs.

Hello, my dear blog,

Let me put it simply.

I am disappointed.

And irritated. And a little hurt and insulted.

First of all I HATE LOOKIN' LIKE A FOOL.

And to a large extent, faithfully forking out money to pay for presents for people I am not very close to, I do expect a little return. A little reciprocity. Which of us doesn't?

That really sucks.

To my horror Weixuan messaged each of us to bring twelve bucks for Clement's present and cake.

I think some people need to be accountable here and take into consideration that not everyone is willing or able to afford so much for a present. And that there should be reasonable limits set for the cost of each present, especially if there are several birthdays scattered through the year. People should not go around spending and expect everyone else to reimburse them.

Do I scrimp and scrape away my lunches in school only to blow that hard-saved money on people who will not be nice back to me?

What do I mean to my friends?

What do I mean to them???

But right now, I'm just hurt and I feel like such a complete loser.

For not really having a birthday.

For not really having presents and people showering me with love.

It makes me feel like I'm not really special to anyone, and that's a feeling I have actively despised for the better part of my youth.

The one gift I got this year-- yes, one, can you believe it?-- was from the cell girls. It was bought in between service and a barbecue and was a bottle of cleansing lotion. Granted, practical, but... well..

Do I really have to resort to buying birthday presents for myself and shopping alone on my so-called special day?

Pooh-ey. Poppycock and nonsense, like my American Literature lecturer says.

I really feel like no-one cares.

My mum doesn't make it better. She just makes it worse by asking if Melissa et al will come to my door and surprise me. Sighhh...

I don't think I've been a skinflint. I don't think I've been a poor friend in most cases (read: David, hahahaha). I think I am not important enough to anybody to warrant more than a celebratory text message.

And perhaps I am taking this a little hard... but hey, who wouldn't?

Would YOU like to be alone on YOUR birthday? HUH?

This birthday has succeeded in making me HATE birthdays. And Valentine's Day. To think Christmas is just around the corner... Bah.

If really, tomorrow is just a surprise party for Clement... I might just end up crying.

DOES NOBODY REMEMBER? DOES NOBODY GIVE A SHIT AT ALL?!

I. HATE. BIRTHDAYS. I HATE THEM ALL.

Because right now, I feel like... nobody really cares.

Turning the big two-oh.

Hello hello. That time of the month has come round again, and I am not referring to my period.

No, it's my birthday.

I traditionally keep very quiet about it (except for the wee wishlist on my other blog) because I don't see the need to excessively/ obsessively remind my friends about it- in ideal circumstances, they hopefully remember, and it is always a more pleasant thing to be surprised with birthday greetings and the occasional gift if they do. Not to forget that looking like the birthday girl is fishing for presents is never fashionable.

Anyway, I'm not telling anyone this, but I have my own backup plan. I plan to, after my lessons (including the Popular Culture lecture, if I do eventually wind up attending), buy myself some Anna Sui eyeshadow and a lovely book on etiquette or singlehood.

It just sounds a little sad/ lonely/ loser-ish to not celebrate with anyone, but like I always say, it's just a date. Too many people make too much of it, but that doesnt give them any reason at all to ridicule how I choose to spend my own birthdya.

Besides, it's a Monday!

Monday, for crying out loud!

In fact, Sheena and Melissa gave me an early birthday treat at Breko's in Holland Village, which was tres sweet, and when Melissa very tactfully steered the conversation round to what I was expecting for my twentieth, IN PARTICULAR makeup, I very sweetly explained that I didn't really need anything, although just the very day before I had been going on about the $60 Stila promotion and free makeover.

I even told my parents not to get me anything, I was that serious about it.

Oh wells. I am perfectly happy, so it's okay.

Next year it'll be something extra-special but this time, it's no biggie. And I'm fine with that.