Hello, my dear blog,

Let me put it simply.

I am disappointed.

And irritated. And a little hurt and insulted.

First of all I HATE LOOKIN' LIKE A FOOL.

And to a large extent, faithfully forking out money to pay for presents for people I am not very close to, I do expect a little return. A little reciprocity. Which of us doesn't?

That really sucks.

To my horror Weixuan messaged each of us to bring twelve bucks for Clement's present and cake.

I think some people need to be accountable here and take into consideration that not everyone is willing or able to afford so much for a present. And that there should be reasonable limits set for the cost of each present, especially if there are several birthdays scattered through the year. People should not go around spending and expect everyone else to reimburse them.

Do I scrimp and scrape away my lunches in school only to blow that hard-saved money on people who will not be nice back to me?

What do I mean to my friends?

What do I mean to them???

But right now, I'm just hurt and I feel like such a complete loser.

For not really having a birthday.

For not really having presents and people showering me with love.

It makes me feel like I'm not really special to anyone, and that's a feeling I have actively despised for the better part of my youth.

The one gift I got this year-- yes, one, can you believe it?-- was from the cell girls. It was bought in between service and a barbecue and was a bottle of cleansing lotion. Granted, practical, but... well..

Do I really have to resort to buying birthday presents for myself and shopping alone on my so-called special day?

Pooh-ey. Poppycock and nonsense, like my American Literature lecturer says.

I really feel like no-one cares.

My mum doesn't make it better. She just makes it worse by asking if Melissa et al will come to my door and surprise me. Sighhh...

I don't think I've been a skinflint. I don't think I've been a poor friend in most cases (read: David, hahahaha). I think I am not important enough to anybody to warrant more than a celebratory text message.

And perhaps I am taking this a little hard... but hey, who wouldn't?

Would YOU like to be alone on YOUR birthday? HUH?

This birthday has succeeded in making me HATE birthdays. And Valentine's Day. To think Christmas is just around the corner... Bah.

If really, tomorrow is just a surprise party for Clement... I might just end up crying.

DOES NOBODY REMEMBER? DOES NOBODY GIVE A SHIT AT ALL?!

I. HATE. BIRTHDAYS. I HATE THEM ALL.

Because right now, I feel like... nobody really cares.