Can't always count on you for sure.

I met David today and walked him to his bus-stop when he had to go. I walked myself home with one book more, one friend less.

I say I have nothing to lose, agreeing to meet him at the library today. We speak of the safe and the superficial until it is time.

"So why did you suddenly want to go to the library today?"
"Because I had books I wanted to return... and borrow. And besides, I hadn't seen you in a long time."
"You could have asked anyone else..."
"But you're my library khaki. And I haven't seen you in a long time."
"You chose not to, remember?'
"I know... I'm sorry."

I wanted so bad to make it right then, and tell him it was ok, and that I was ok. But selfishly, I couldn't. I just looked away.

I wonder if my eyes betrayed me, all the hurt and pain I'd been carrying around in my broken heart all this time. I guess I allowed myself to hope for too much too soon, and because of that I fell hard. Fell hard when he basically told methat the real reason why he suddenly chose to distance himself from me was not because he had to study, but because when I was drunk he saw me at my worst, didn't know what to do, and got scared off.

I was rude and ungracious and I could not even bid goodbye to him when his bus came. Instead, as we looked at each other, I tried to reply lightly, "I think you better catch your bus".

I don't know if I had expected him to give chase and run after me, but in any case, he didn't. Once more we went in different directions.

If I could write to him?

"Dear David, I'm very sorry for the way things turned out. Please forgive me if I was less than gracious tonight. It's just that I had hoped for so much good to come out of this one meeting, and I was so hurt to hear what you had to say. Your friendship has meant so much to me and I was loath to let it go. In any case, I do hope you will enjoy what's left of your holidays. I shan't disturb further."

Heck it lah. Remember the new motto.